Feminine Mentorship & Embodiment in Berlin
It truly is a heroine story, getting real and connected with the pain, that comes from being betrayed by blood. This story is one fragment of my story. And probably also on of my ancestors. I know, there are many others out there, who where or are still going through this. I want you to know, that you are not alone. If you seek help, it is not too late, to transform those deep wounds and scars for the better. It is not an easy road, I don’t wanna lie to you. Especially in a society that tells you, you should not be so hard on your family. You only have one, try to make it work. Toughen up. While this can be true for some, it is often not true for most of us. This experience of emotional abuse and rejection, often comes on top, with more complex trauma and it shapes us and our reality about love, life and how we go into relationships. There is a unique kind of pain by being betrayed by the people who are supposed to protect you, love you and stay by your side. It shakes the foundation about everything you believe about love, trust and connection. It makes you question your own worth. Your ability to be loved, your ability to belong anywhere at all. The following words and insights, are an attempt, trying to make sense, what people might went through their entire lifes, as a result of their upbringing. I certainly went through it myself and still, to this very day, experiencing waves of it. I warmly invite you to take a deep breath, feel the ground under your feet and listen closely.
A woman who got betrayed by blood:
Will probably spend a lifetime trying to prove her worth in all the wrong places. Looking for love & belonging, led by her lost and frightened inner children, to then fill this burning void inside of her, with more experience of betrayal and abandonment. Sooner or later, she will turn into a wounded warrior, investing all of her self, to finally belong and feel loved by another one. She will burn herself out for love. Because this is what she learned. Giving her all – with no boundaries and no one to stop her and without getting anything back in return.
She will not dare to say „No“ or stand up for herself. Because she is frightened of having needs and voicing them. Her fear of rejection becomes real once again. So she turns boneless – with no needs & ready to let the world walk all over her. She gets in the habit of abandoning others first, before they can abanond her and active the wound of not belonging and not being good enough to be loved, within her.
She will become an empty smiling shell, blind to her own beauty. With no idea about what she really deserves. Which leads her downhill and into the arms of dangerous and sick people. If she isn’t strong and courageous enough, she will follow through with self destructing and self harming behavior. She becomes a co-dependent love/sex/drug/alcohol addict. Turned on by push and pull dynamics with problematic (wo)men. While simultaneously she will be disgusted & afraid of healthy love. She thinks this is boring and not for here. Deep down she is afraid to truly be loved and seen, for the woman she is. So she stays stuck in rudeness, addcition and violence, begging for breadcrumps in love, jobs and life.
Her heart froze a very long time ago. She keeps looking for warmth and little burns on the outside and stays addicted to quick fixes and shallow people. She keeps attracting circles of people that benefit from her lack of self-worth and self confidence. This hits home for her, because it feels safe and familiar, to not be seen and heard by others. It became safe for her, to neglect herself and therefore be neglected by others.
The only way to break this cycle, is through enough pain, to finally wake up and rise. To get conscious about it, seek help and finally start healing. Waking up to the reality of this heroine journey, in taking responsibility for the gifts it also brings, to become the embodied cure for herself and ohters. So she can start a new life. Attract her own chosen family and create healthy boundaries, a healthy environment, that will lead further into nourishment, self love and peace.
As you can see, there is so much power in this story. The power of owning it, healing it and then create forward and invest into the life you really wish for yourself. Making yourself a priority and finally setting the boundaries, that you so desperately needed as a child. Showering yourself with love,
understanding, compassion and safety.
It is not too late to start over, and find the people and places, who truly see and cherish you, for exactly as you are. But it starts within you first. You have to see yourself first and cherish yourself, how far you came, despite your past and the woundings from your past.
And it is totally fine, if you walk alone for a while, or only trust a very small circle of humans or an animal companion. You do you and free yourself from the pressure of the common people all around you. Shut the noise and find out what feels right and good for you. I am here for you, if you wish for a companion, while breaking free and healing those wounds.
With so much love, Claudia
cycle breaker, wolf woman, wounded healer, black sheep
